Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dick very happy bro
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
