smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
