my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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