Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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