plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
