Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sober January is a disaster.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
