one two three fourrrrnication!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
