Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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