so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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