then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
