Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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