And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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