You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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