Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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