I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
