I heard we made out
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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