sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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