Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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