It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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