I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
