i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
