Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
nutella sex= disaster
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
