Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
