If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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