i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
