She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
