This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
