Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
