i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sober January is a disaster.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
