jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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