I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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