there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
