He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
