I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
