I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.