Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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