I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
