addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
