i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
