the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
