Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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