i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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