he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
