HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
