your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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