Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize