I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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