So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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