If that was your dad, he is hot
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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