Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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