Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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