I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
