just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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