Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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