Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
