We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Four minutes until I can fart!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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