how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
