Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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