dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
