Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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