Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
