well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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