The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
