i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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